Ignore the Skull
by Akicks
Summary: Short story about Harry's really bad day and his annoying skull... Book verse. Rated for language and safety.


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Hey there. So I got this review for my other story, and something they said just made me have an idea for this. Hope you enjoy it, please read and review.

Disclaimer: I own none of this, its all Jim Butchers work.

Enjoy!

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IGNORE THE SKULL

You ever have one of those days when you wish you just hadn't gotten out of bed? When absolutely everything was going to hell and there was nothing you could do about it? The average person has to put up with shit like bills, annoying relatives, car problems, and frustrating co-workers.

Me, I'm a wizard, so I have all the same problems.

Only mine are supernatural.

And more frequent.

I started the day with a cold shower, like always. But today, it just so happened that those construction workers down the road 'accidentally' hit the water line; just when I was all soapy. That was only the first problem, because when I came out of the bathroom, all drippy and sudsy, I found Mouse playing with something on my bed. Of course, I went over to see what it was, only to hear the bloody thing speak.

"Wow Harry, you're all wet." The skull said through the slobber. "And bubbly. Kinky."

Meet Bob, my trusty know-it-all skull. I think he's more a pain in the ass than a help most of the time. He was already in my bad book after tricking me into making a potion that, well, 'altered perceptions' when Thomas came over.

They both got a kick outta it.

I've still got the taste of Thomas' shampoo in my mouth.

Please, just don't ask. Another humiliation story for another time.

Big deal right? So I had to put up with my stupid talking skull once in a while, right? Well, the peace lasted all of thirty seconds.

Ignore the skull, I tell myself. Ya, easier said than done.

I left the skull with Mouse and headed into the kitchen area, where I found a half full bottle of water. Just enough to get the rest of the soap from my hair. Mouse followed me, this time with Bob hung around his neck. Seeing as I was in such a good mood, I pulled out some of the left over pasta from the fridge and gave it to Mouse for breakfast. Bob started to complain, but his voice was drowned out when Mouse happily sunk most of his head into the bowl, sinking Bob deep into tomato sauce.

That made me smile.

But alas, revenge is not so sweet.

I will never understand how Bob can get Mouse to do his bidding, but not moments later I found myself under my gigantic, tomato covered dog being licked.

And just when the waters' out too.

That was my morning, not the worst one I ever had. I mean, there weren't vampires banging down my door right?

Ha! I should have known I wouldn't be that lucky.

No, vampires didn't break into the living room to find me covered in tomato sauce under my 150ish pound dog. He was waiting for me when I got to my office. And in my chair too.

Damn punk ass vampire brother.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him, throwing my duster and blasting rod on the desk in front of him.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Didn't you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Or is it that you couldn't get all that tomato sauce off your face?"

I froze, glaring at Thomas. How the hell had he known I had been slimed by Mouse? I slowly reached for my blasting rod, but Thomas just laughed.

"Don't worry, I'm not some imposter and I haven't found any new mind reading powers. I stopped by your house this morning after you left. Bob told me what happened. I'm not surprised I beat you here, driving that clown car of yours. Musta broken down six times on the way here." (I didn't want to acknowledge that it had broken down this morning) "But, I probably could have guessed, seeing the red sauce on your neck." He said, pointing to his own neck, right under his ear. "Right here."

He laughed, while I just grumbled under my breath, taking my sleeve and wiping at my neck almost violently.

"So what do you want?" I asked again, going behind his chair and dumping him out of it. He landed gracefully, something I only wish I could do, and laughed. Almost regally he turned and sat on the corner of my desk, taking an envelope out of the inside jacket pocket and dropped it on the table in front of me.

"This was left on my doorstep this morning. It's addressed to you, thought you would want to read it." The envelope was obviously ripped, so I knew he had read it. I took it from him and read it quickly.

_Dear Mr. Dresden_

_I am sorry to inform you that after careful consideration, we the White Council are revoking your position as Warden and member of the White Council. Your involvement in initiating the war between the Vampire Courts and this Council, as well as your 'relationship' with the White Court vampire named Thomas Raith are evidence enough to warrant a public hearing with the Senior Council the beginning of next week. Any further involvement with either of the said parties would only confirm said accusations. Wardens will be standing by to arrest you before your trial if you cause any further problems. Punishment for conviction will be immediate beheadal. We would like to remind you that while your trial is mandatory, please feel free to continue with your daily life._

_Thank you for your time._

_Have a nice day._

_Sincerely,_

_Chief Secretary to the Council_

_Miranda Leblanc_

"Well ain't that fuckin nice." I mumbled after reading the letter, complete with official seals and spells.

"That's what I thought when I read it." Thomas agreed. "Shoulda known there'd be some spell on it though. Nearly took my arm off." He finished, pulling his sleeve up to reveal a large burn that continued up his arm.

"Ouch," I agreed, pulling open a small container out of the top drawer of my desk and through it to him. "That should help. And hey, if I'm not supposed to be fraternizing with you why the hell'd you come? Its obvious you read it."

Thomas laughed, smearing copious amounts of the cream onto the burn. The red began to fade instantly, and he sighed. "Like I said, I stopped by your place. Bob gave me some advice."

"Hell's bells, that's never good." I interjected.

"Ya, well, he said if I was already here when you showed up, technically you aren't fraternizing with me, I'm harassing you."

"I don't know how they'll see the difference." I replied, rubbing my forehead. "Bob say anything else?" I asked, not really hoping to know the answer.

"Ha, you mean besides the pasta thing?" He asked. "Ya, he said to remind you that there's still some of that potion left, maybe you should use it for your date tonight. Kincaid mentioned that she liked it rough."

"Hell's bells. Ass hole" I cursed, chucking my stapler at my annoying brother's head. He dodged, gracefully, and laughed as he walked out, waving as he went.

"Can I give you some advice?" he asked, sticking his head back in the doorway. "Ignore that stupid skull, you know he spends his days making your life a living hell. Oh, and don't mess up your date tonight. I'd have to deny that I'm related to you at all."

That was the last thing on my mind, but I guess he had a point. I did have a date tonight, and so far my day had sucked. Now if only Bob could shut his yap long enough for me to get through dinner with Murphy, it'd all be good.

Yep, you said it. I'm fucked.

So what's the tally at now? Cold shower, then no running water, annoying talking skull, pain in the butt dog that doesn't listen to me, stupid skull that pits my own dog against me, pasta sauce, frustrating brother, really annoying talking skull and the dumbest fucking Council on earth, not to mention probably having Morgan tailing me.

But oh no, it gets better. Not only did I find I have more bills than I could possibly imagine ever paying, and the shit continues to hit the fan.

First of all, Morgan did decide to stop by. He did his typical, 'I will happily cut your head from your shoulders if you even have a toe out of line' threat that did nothing to scare me. That was until he took his sword and cut my desk in half.

That's just rude. And it pissed me off.

What was it I said about co-workers? Oh ya, most people have frustrating co-workers. Mine? Well, they break all my shit and threaten to remove my head. Ya, top that.

The second thing that went to hell while I was still at work was I got called for a job. I know what you're thinking. What's so bad about that? Isn't that supposed to be a positive thing?

Well sure, if it didn't involve sinking my Blue Beetle three feet down into quicksand, then having to pay for a tow truck to pull it out. And you wanna know the best part? I didn't find what I was looking for, so I'm not getting paid.

Time spent: 3 hours

Cost of tow truck: 85.00

Cost of replacing ruined clothes (if I go to the thrift store): 35.00

Cost of helping someone in need: PRICELESS

Arg, some days my job sucks. Scratch that, it almost always sucks.

Anyways, I actually made it home in time to take a shower before Murphy showed up for dinner. Now, if you remember correctly, my day has been absolutely horrible. So do you think this would go right for me? You said it. It started out with a shower that got cut short. This time, I didn't even get a shower.

The water was still out.

I did the best I could, cleaning up using water bottles from the kitchen. I even had clean clothes that didn't come from off the floor. Granted, they had been left on the bed that Mouse and Mister had probably been sleeping on all day. Meh, a little hair never hurt anyone.

So I'm digging through the kitchen drawers looking for takeout menus when I hear a knock at the door. Shit, she's here already.

Mouse came out from my bedroom, Bob still hanging from around his neck. I shot him a look, but he didn't seem to care. He just smiled as Mouse trotted past me to open the door. Mouse continues to surprise me. Not only did he know that it was Murph behind the door, but he could open it.

Ya, cute right? Murphy seemed to think so.

"Aw, thanks Mouse." She said, smuggling up to Mouse and scratching him behind the ears where he likes it.

Hells bells, Murphy looked gorgeous. Not that she didn't look good everyday, but today, there was something special about her. Maybe it was the black dress. Maybe it was that it was a rather small black dress. Maybe I should put my eyes back in my head and shut my mouth before I drool worse than Mouse.

I can't remember a time when I'd seen Murph out of her work clothes. Not that I'm complaining at all. Suddenly, these take-out menus didn't seem so necessary. Or wanted.

But then again, considering how this day was going, something was bound to go wrong.

And then it happened. He spoke.

"The dumb dog didn't do anything. I opened the door. But you're more than welcome. The view from here is more than thanks enough."

If Bob could have smiled, it would have reached from ear to ear. With Murphy being short, and Mouse huge, he just happened to be nuzzled up to Murphy's chest at the moment.

Murphy did the only thing that could have shocked me, not that I blame her.

She screamed.

Then ran.

"Umm, ya, sorry." I mumbled as she dove behind my couch, "Just ignore the skull."

Oh ya. My day is just getting better and better.

Dumb fucking talking skull.


End file.
